explorer

I’ve recently decided something – I need help. The last year of my life has been filled with very little creative. I realize “creative” is an adjective – describing a state of being, a project, an idea, etc. But my life has been lacking in all those areas – in all things creative. And I’ve realized recently, that unless I get some sort of help, this pattern, this non-creative way of living, will continue to be pattern. Nothing will change unless I actually DO something to make it happen… and in order to do so, I need help.

I’m listening to El Ten Eleven right now. They’re helping.

But more importantly, I was out and about this morning, and came across this book – “How To Be An Explorer Of The World” by Keri Smith. Awhile ago, I came across another book of hers – “Wreck This Journal.” I thought it was ingenious – it’s all about creative destruction (within the journal, of course). However, the book I came across today struck a different chord with me.

The beginning starts out with this list:

How To Be An Explorer Of The World

1. Always be looking. (Notice the ground beneath your feet.)
2. Consider everything alive and animate.
3. Everything is interesting. Look closer.
4. Alter your course often.
5. Observe for long durations (and short ones).
6. Notice the stories going on around you.
7. Notice patterns. Make connections.
8. Document your findings (field notes) in a variety of ways.
9. Incorporate indeterminancy.
10. Observe moment.
11. Create a personal dialogue with your environment. Talk to it.
12. Trace things back to their origins.
13. Use all of the senses in your investigations.

I realized something today as I was flipping through the first few pages of the book, and thinking about how I wander through life. I work as an administrative assistant – my job is noticing and remembering the details. I spend my day making sure I’ve caught every email, listened to every voicemail, caught every spelling error, arranged every meeting, and so on and so forth. 40 hours of my week revolves around DETAILS.

However, as I read this book, I started to realize that life – everything beautiful, wonderful, lovely, CREATIVE about life – is in the details. This book, in a round about way, says to slow down, take it all in – smell it, taste it, touch it, hear it, see it – and notice the things you otherwise would not.

The interesting thing about this book is it feels very elementary. It asks you to do things you did as a kid. Collect things you find on the ground. Spend time looking at them. Analyze them. Write stories about them. Play with them. All of these things I spent hours doing as a kid. But somehow, as I grow older, these types of activities seem like nonsense, and have become almost invaluable.

I love the quote on the back of the book:

“WARNING: To whoever has just picked up this book. If you find that you are unable to use your imagination, you should put this book back immediately. It is not for you. In this book you will be repeatedly asked to… suspend your disbelief, complete tasks that make you feel a bit strange, look at the world in ways that make you think differently, conduct experiments on a regular basis, and see inanimate objects as alive.”

The phrase that sticks out to me is – suspend your disbelief. I spend so much of my time disbelieving – that the world can change, that I can change, that I can do something I love AND get paid for it, that I can find the love of my life, that I can create something worthwhile…

And yet this book, this guidebook to discovering the world, asks me to suspend all disbelief. That is a HUGE request, one I’m not sure I can conquer... at least, not right away.

However, I’ve decided, that if I’m going to be creative – which I believe to be IMMENSELY valuable – that I will need a little bit of help, and I’m hoping, this book can provide me with the stepping stones I need to become more creative… and again, be filled with belief.

So I begin this journey… an exploration.

I'm interested to see where it takes me.

pull me

Pull Me

My voice isn’t strong enough
To call your name
My eyes aren’t clear enough
To see your face
My hands are far too numb
To feel your touch
And my heart is so hollow
That you’ve become lost

They say jump
And I ask how high
They say run
And I ask how far
They say smile
And I ask how long
They continue to ask
And I continue to fall.

You say come
And I continue to leave
You say trust
And I continue to doubt
You say leap
And I continue to stand strong
You say “I love you.”
And I continue to hear nothing.

Come as I am?
How could that be?
Know who you are?
How could THAT be?
I can’t see you,
Can’t touch you,
Can’t hear you,
Can't feel you...

Yet you want me...

You want me to come
With reckless abandon
But I don’t know how
Or if I'll ever make it...

So pull me…
With everything in you.
With all of your might…
If I really am worth it...
Then pull me.


It's been a long time since I've written this way... and tonight, I just sat down and wrote whatever came to me... I've never been good at writing poetry. I never learned meter, and rhyming has always felt so strange and forced to me. What it is that I do write, I'm not really sure even has a category... They're more just thoughts strung along together in some random fashion...