Oh how I miss playing the piano.
Even though we got rid of our ugly yet ever-so-loved upright piano when I started college, I still, in almost every area of my life, had access to a piano. When I attended Judson, I'd often spend hours in the practice rooms playing my heart out. I cherished the moments at Ridgewood when I could sneak away during the workday, and spend some time in a dark sanctuary playing any song I could think of, and some that I played only once out of my imagination. Even when I worked at the Mission, there were times I could go down to the chapel and play...
But, where I live now, I have no piano. I do not have a job that has access to a piano. Alverno might have pianos SOMEWHERE, but I have no idea how to access them. I am not currently plugged into a church that provides me access to a piano.
It's been almost a year since I've even touched a piano. Craziness.
I attend a small group on Monday nights, and the house we meet in has a baby grand piano. I really struggle with envy because I would give anything to own a piano... I see this big, beautiful instrument every Monday night, and so desperately wish I had the room all to myself to play for hours...
And yet, I can't help but rip apart that "envy" and see how I don't deserve a piano. I think of all the things I have that I leave by the wayside. I got a guitar for my 21st birthday that I can barely play and rarely touch. I have a djembe that's not even in my possession right now... I felt so guilty for not playing it anymore when it could be used by someone else, that I gave it to my good friend Will for his youth group's worship band. I have a keyboard that sits in the basement collecting dust (and just for the record - a keyboard is no where NEAR the same as playing a piano... it does not suffice). Three different instruments that I do NOTHING with.
I recently emailed a friend of mine, asking her if she'd be willing to teach me how to play the violin. I've always wanted to learn the violin, and never knew anyone who played. So when I met her, my heart was filled with joy - maybe this was my opportunity to learn how to play violin! And yet, I thought about the fact that a) I don't have a violin as of right now, and b) if I got another instrument, it would just end up in the neglected pile like the rest of my instruments.
Piano playing though - not guitar playing, nor djembe playing, nor keyboard playing - was such a key component to my time spent with God. My times playing were some of the sweetest, most dear moments of my time spent with him. One of the things I loved is I'd play whatever my heart lead me to play... Later, when I'd try to "replay" it, I couldn't... It was almost as if the song had been created for that one moment between God and I - a moment that could not be duplicated or repeated, but would forever remain ours...
I miss those moments... and while I really do need to work through my envy and deep desire for the possession of a piano, I also need to spend time finding new ways to enjoy God, and to find those moments that cannot be duplicated... I need to see and experience God in a new way - I'm just not quite sure what that is yet.
(picture taken by gzed on www.sxc.hu)
piano
joy - part whatever
I have found that there are moments in my life where it becomes far too easy for me to become overwhelmed by all that I am learning about and being challenged with… I often see these as “dark” moments, or unconquerable hurdles, when in reality, they’re just life lessons. The past couple of months could be described as challenging both spiritually and emotionally… Nothing catastrophic, and in light of all that is going on in the world, what I have been staring down could even be categorized as insignificant. None the less, I have had a lot of things going on in my head and heart – all of which I know are going to stretch me, and help me grow to become more of the person I’m meant to be. But, as I mentioned earlier, it is extremely easy for me to become overwhelmed by all of these things, and even take on the “woe is me” type attitude. It is not my desire to be in that place… It is not my desire to be obsessed and worrisome about situations I have no control over, and situations that will ultimately mold me. However, as someone who struggles with anxiety, I often have to make the conscious choice to focus my head and heart on other things…
And so, I am doing just that today…
There are those of you who followed my Rain of Wonder blog who know that every so often I posted a “joys” list. While I realize that those items and the items I list here today are not the source of real joy, they are indeed things that bring joy to my heart. Therefore, I’ve decided that today, in all of its sunshiny brilliancy, should be a “joys” day.
So, I present to you my “joys” list…
Joy – Part Whatever
1. Seeing childrens books come alive (hooray for Where The Wild Things Are)
2. Friends who send me encouraging verses from the bible
3. Little kids who push leaves down the sidewalk with shovels bigger than they are
4. Spontaneous singing session at work
5. Long drives down back roads with good tunes filling my ears
6. Adults who read children’s books to their adult friends (Ms. Wilhelms!)
7. My grammie… She was a spunky little lady, and I will miss her dearly.
8. Stellar home movies made by the O’Boyle sisters
9. Receiving music suggestions (can’t get enough of Wake Up by Arcade Fire)
10. Night walks while listening to the leaves whirl about which leads to…
11. Playing in leaves!
12. Talking about creative endeavors with creative people
13. Friends who make me laugh so hard I cry (Sara C and William!)
14. Telephone Pictionary (or whatever it’s called) – great game!
15. Pictures my friends post of their lives in Sudan and Uganda
16. Coming home to a huge stack of “slightly defected” childrens books!
17. Starting a new journal
18. Hearing people tell stories going on around them and in their lives
19. Random “dance parties”
20. Coloring in fantastically designed coloring books
21. Crazy imaginations
22. Red Onitsuka Tigers… and the adventures they induce
23. People who are passionate… and who inspire me
24. The Joneses – for all their creativity and “praise God” moments
25. Creating “life goals” and seeing them come to fruition
These are just a few of the things I’ve experienced over the past few weeks that have brought absolute joy to my heart… Things that even in my darkest moments - where I feel as though there’s nothing worth celebrating - make my heart joyous.
The list could go on and on… As I mentioned, I’ve created numerous lists like this… And speaking of lists, writing #25 has encouraged me to revisit the “life goals” I’ve created over the years, and redraft a new list… Some of them have already happened, some of them I find somewhat ridiculous now, and some of them will be transferred over to my new list. So be on the lookout for that…
But for now, I just wanted to share with you the things that bring me joy.
May I be a person that even in what appears to be a dark hour, claims the joyous and celebratory moments in life.
the day my tigers left me
Here’s your project, should you choose to accept it…
PHOTO PROJECT – A Story in 5 Frames
Today, you are asked to celebrate stories and the art of storytelling…
Your challenge: Take a handful of photos, and select 5 photos; create a story that connects these 5 photos
Your result: A story as told in 5 frames!
You may take as many photos as you like, but in the end, you can only choose 5. The story can be about whatever you’d like, but a story must accompany the 5 photos. Think like a kid. Be silly. Take photos of things that seem boring and uninteresting… and make them come alive!
Ideas to help jump start your creativity:
- Take a picture of a bug walking on the ground, and where he might be headed
- Take a picture of a leaf on the ground, and the home from which it fell
- Take a picture of an old barn, and an old cow… you fill in the rest
- Take a picture of a banged up car fender, and a random person who POSSIBLY drove the car…
- Take a picture of a wrinkled shirt, and the angry iron who’s on strike
- Take a picture of your shoes, and the places where they might want to walk today
My friend took the challenge, and produced some beautifully composed pictures of trees and leaves, and a story that explained the significance of the location where she took the photos… I was so proud of her for taking the challenge, and for doing something “on command.” In response, I offered that I too would also “take the challenge.”
And so, I did just that on my lunch hour today. A few photos ended up blurry in my hurry to take the photos, but you get the idea.
I decided to use one of the ideas I offered up to my friend: Take a picture of my shoes.
About a week ago, I got a new pair of Asics Onitsuka Tigers. Bright red. Brilliant, and beautiful. I’ve always wanted red shoes, and now I have them. I decided my shoes must be a part of my Story in 5 Frames.
And I so, I present to you…
The Day My Tigers Left Me
By Tory J. Dolan
NOTE: Playing “Eye of the Tiger” enhances this story. Just sayin’.
On a crisp and brilliant fall afternoon, my Onitsuka Tigers in all their red fiery passion, grew tired of the muted sand colored cubical in which they dwelt, and decided to venture into the city. Being foreigners in the US, these Japanese-born shoes realized there was an entirely new world yet to be discovered. However, looking out over the city, the Tigers longed for their home in Japan, and decided to search for “a little piece of home” among the Milwaukee natives…
And so, my Tigers left me.
They left the safety of their Michigan and Plankinton home, and ventured into the big bad Third Ward. Taking the scenic route along the River Walk, the Tigers realized it was nearing the lunch hour. Across the street stood the Public Market, beckoning the Tigers to explore the fine cuisine within its belly… To the Tigers' great delight, there was a sushi stand at the end of the Public Market maze. A little piece of home…
Continuing on their journey to find more of home in Milwaukee, the Tigers found themselves outside of a shoe store titled, Shoo. How unimaginative, they thought. But in that same moment, excitement filled their soles. More shoes, they thought? Perhaps we will find other Japanese homies within the shoe store? However, in the window towered a posse of socks… The presence of the sock gang in the window quickly became intimidating to them, and they realized that despite carrying the name “Tigers” and being the ferocious color of red, they were scared… Scared and slightly embarrassed, they backed down and continued on their way, leaving their potential mates behind.
Buddah? Is that a Buddha ahead, they wondered? Indeed! ARTASIA! The Tigers found their way to a brilliant store filled with treasures from the far East. Surely a store name with “Asia” in it MUST contain things that would feel like home. However, as they approached the Buddha, it appeared as if he expected something… With his hand in the air, the Tigers wondered what he wanted… Should they wave in return? Or maybe he was telling them to stop before entering. .. Saddened and confused by Buddha’s unexplained directives, the Tigers still were not feeling quite at home…
And then… Out of the darkness… Hope emerged.
HOT POP!
There, just down the street from ArtAsia, was the most brilliant of all stores – Hot Pop – a store filled with fantastic design and Japanese pop art plastered from floor to ceiling. In the window was a lovely pair of lime green roller skates – LIME GREEN ROLLER SKATES! All of the magical colors, clothes and artwork… so many wonderful things to behold!
It was then and there, at the ever-so-lovely Hot Pop that the Tigers knew… they’d found their piece of home.
This story is oh-so-silly, I know… But loads of fun! I can’t tell you how much fun I had dragging one of my co-workers with me while we took photos of my crazy red shoes around the Third Ward. Sometimes, we need to take moments to deeply enjoy life: to slow down, to be silly, to seek child-like activities, and to find ways of embracing the stories around us.
May I learn to slow down regularly, laugh often, and tell more stories!
write
What to write, what to write… I swear, I’ve started maybe 5 or 6 entries over the past week. So many things to think about… but I'm having trouble running with any one idea in particular…
Here are the things I've been thinking about/writing about:
The Jonses: My good friends were laid off of work, have 4 children (2 with autism), and are about to have their house repossessed. Yet, they’re still praising God… Ah-mazing.
Christine: A friend of mine leaves for Uganda in a few days to work with Invisible Children. She’s such an amazing woman… one I admire greatly. I’m anxious to hear of all her Africa adventures, and plan to live vicariously through her stories over the next year, until HOPEFULLY I can go visit her.
Suffering: I had a crazy good conversation with a dear friend of mine earlier this week about suffering. He challenged me hardcore on a couple of things… Still working those challenges out in my head. A lovely, lighthearted conversation indeed... (note sarcasm)
Civil Disobedience: Lots and lots of thoughts on the idea of civil disobedience lately, only further prompted by a movie I watched this morning. Another light topic, hey?
Poverty: Continuing on the "light" trail - I've been learning about and am trying to understand what poverty really is, especially its effect on education and educational systems, and hopefully will soon pick up the book "A Framework for Understanding Poverty" by Ruby Payne. Lots of perspective shifts going on in that book. Awesomeness.
Adopting Kids: Thoughts about foster homes and adoption, and what life would be like as a single mom… My brain can't seem to shut off on this topic...
All of these topics I’ve started and have yet to finish because I can’t seem to make any coherent entries out of them… They’re so stream of consciousness right now. Recently, I asked a couple of friends to give me a topic to write about - hoping maybe it would spark some sort of inspiration. They told me “love.” Talk about a broad topic! I decided not to tackle that one right now…
But for the very few of you who still check my blog periodically (sorry I’ve been so lazy and sporadic in my writing), what topic would you most want to hear about? Maybe if I had a prompting of sorts, I’d be more inclined to finish…
Otherwise, check back in a day or two… I hope to have one of the above ideas finished soon.
For those of you who still check this blog, I love you lots… You rock. Thanks for stickin’ with me, and being interested in my crazy journeys.
Much love to you.
