goodbye, hello

Merry Christmas, one and all!

Over the past couple of days, I’ve noticed a lot of “lists” emerging, specifically on Facebook. A lot of people have been reflecting on the year 2009, and all that 2009 has brought – the good, the bad and the ugly. I’ll be perfectly honest. 2009 is a bit of a blur to me. Granted, there are things I remember about this past year, both good and bad, but for some reason, this past year just seems to have flown by, and I’m not entirely sure where 2009 went.

I spent time with my extended family last night, celebrating Christmas. The majority of my extended family had a really difficult year. Lots of illness, lots of death, and lots of heartache. The one phrase that stood out to me throughout the course of the evening was, “Goodbye 2009. Hello, 2010.” The majority of my family members are anxious to say goodbye to this past year, and to welcome in a new year – a fresh start. I thought a lot about 2009 last night, and the the coming of 2010.

Here are some of the thoughts I had…

Next year, I don’t want to feel this way. As I sat around my family, I thought about all the sadness they’d experienced throughout the year, and recognized that I had my own sadness I was mourning. There were some very difficult parts of 2009 that I don’t know that I’d care to relive. And yet, I realized something… I HATE that feeling. I hate the feeling of having gone through an entire year, and only feeling a sense of lament… Was 2009 really that bad, or is it just a matter of perspective?

I don’t want to look back on 2010, and wish that it had been different. I don’t want to look at it and see only the ugly and painful things that happened. At the end of 2010, I do not want those things to reign or to be the only things that I see. When I get to the end of 2010, and I’m celebrating Christmas and the New Year, I want to be able to say, “2010 was a blast! Let’s do it again!” I want to say, “Let 2011 bring as many joys as 2010!” I want to be able to look back on the year and say, “Wow – that was worth it!”

I don’t want you to think that I’m ungrateful for this past year. I've been reflecting more and more on the brilliant things 2009 brought. This past year has proven to be a great year of growth for me. I have also met some amazing people this past year that have literally changed my life. But I also recognize the fact that sometimes pain is needed - that through hard times and through pain comes growth.

I am in no way looking at 2010 and asking for it to be a breeze with no pain and no hurt… But what I AM asking for is a renewed perspective – a perspective that looks for the things to rejoice over. I want to look for ways to grow – not just realize, after the fact, that I’ve grown. I want to see people and situations in a new light… I want to love unconditionally. I want to better appreciate what I have, even when it feels ugly and uncomfortable. I want to become a dedicated, passionate person – one who lives it out, not just talks it out.

How, you say? Whew! Tough question… No idea what the answer is. But as I’ve mentioned before, I love questions. Here's what I'm thinking: I just need to start doing it. I need to start doing all the things I want to learn and be… Sometimes, I will fall flat on my face in failure. That’s inevitable. And I’m sure it’ll be a painful process, as I hate failure. But at the same time, if I don’t “do” until I “learn” – I’m not sure I’ll ever get to the “doing.” So the way I look at it, I just need to start DOING these things. I need to start moving. 2010 is going to be about motion for me.

So, goodbye, 2009… and hello, 2010. May you prove be a devastatingly brilliant year… One of constant motion, ridiculous love, abundant rejoicing, and substantial growth.