grace and peace

I love music. No shock there. I am always talking about music, looking for new music, sharing playlists with people, going to concerts… Music holds a very big spot in my heart. But today, it tugged at my heart more than it has in a long time…

A couple of months ago, a friend of mine who currently lives in Sudan sent me a song to encourage me. It was the song “I Will Praise Him, Still” by Fernando Ortega. I was familiar with Fernando Ortega, but not that familiar with his music. I downloaded the song, and as I listened to it, I marveled at the fact that my friend – who is living in a culture completely foreign to most of us, in a land that is so completely torn by violence, pain, and evil – could identify with that song and herself say, “I will praise him still.”

That was the only song I downloaded by Fernando Ortega, and I only did so because it was a song suggested to me by my dear friend. I wasn't immediately drawn to his style, and so I didn’t look into any more of his music. However, this morning, much to my surprise, Fernando Ortega was in the church service I was attending, where he sang a song called “Grace and Peace.” There was something that happened close to where I was sitting that caused me to have a rabbit trail of thoughts… The first thought I had was incredibly selfish, a sort of “woe is me” type moment. However, where I eventually landed in my trail of thoughts, was thinking not only about Haiti, but also all of the other countries in which children are parentless and without family… Individuals who literally have no one in their life telling them they are valuable and loved.

Another situation going on right next to me added to my thinking... I was sitting two seats down from a woman who was holding a baby she nannies for. The baby was absolutely beautiful. Bright eyes. Soft skin. And doing that little “bobbing” thing that all little babies do. I watched as this woman – who was not even the baby’s mother – held this baby close to her chest while stroking the baby’s head. I enjoyed watching the two of them interact (as I absolutely love babies!) and didn’t think much about the fact that this baby not only has parents who love and care for her, but also this woman – someone who is not even blood – who is there to love and protect her.

But as Fernando Ortega played his song “Grace and Peace” I felt my eyes well up with tears. The interesting part was that it wasn’t even that emotional of a song. However, I started to think about my friend who had first introduced me to Fernando Ortega's music, and about all the people she has met and cares for. I thought about the fact that many of them do not know grace and peace – in fact, they may only know the very opposite. I also started thinking about all the babies who do not know the love of their parents, or anyone for that matter. I also thought about all the people in Haiti who must wonder if they will ever experience relief, if they’ll ever experience grace and peace.

I became greatly overwhelmed by these thoughts… But I think what became most overwhelming to me was the fact that while it’s great to have those moments of realization, those moments where I am sensitive to what is going on in the rest of the world, my life does not reflect a great passion or sensitivity towards it on a regular basis. I find that I’m so selfish in my thinking and doing. I am consumed with figuring out my own life, wondering how MY life will unfold, when there are plenty of people who are just trying to hang onto their life, wondering how long they will even have it.

I don’t want to be that way. I don’t want to be so focused on wondering what God has for me that I miss what he has for the rest of the world. I want my heart to beat for others. I want my heart to beat for restoration. I want my heart to yearn so much for what God is doing throughout the world. And through it all, I want to be like my friend and be able to say, “I will praise him still.”

I am not there, and don’t know how to get there just yet…

God, I pray you change the beat of my heart. I pray you guide my focus, my passion, and my desires. May they become molded to what you want them to be. I pray that you show me how to get there… Show me how to love like you do, to give when I don’t have the strength, and to follow you the best I am able.