hug

A bear hug.

A “man” hug.

A side hug.

Hugs are an interesting thing to me… When I was in elementary school and junior high, I hated them… Mostly because I thought all the girls around me were just being silly about hugging each other. However, as the years went by, I came to appreciate hugs more and more. And I’m amazed by the fact that there are so many different ways to hug a person, and that HOW you hug someone, or if you choose not to hug someone, can indicate how you feel about them.

A bear hug may indicate you are incredibly comfortable with someone, and love them in almost a familial sort of way. A “man” hug may indicate that you want to show affection, but it’s not necessarily appropriate to give a regular hug. Rather, you stand at a distance, with a handshake in between. A side hug for those who are friends, but just not that comfortable hugging one another. There are so many different ways to show affection, just through something as simple as a hug.

A few years back, I got into a conversation with a few good friends of mine about love languages. We were on a 16 hour van ride, and had pretty much ripped through every other topic of conversation, that we found ourselves on a more serious topic in hour 14 of the drive. As we were talking about our different love languages, I was certain that I knew what mine were: time spent, and words of affirmation. For me, the two went hand in hand. While someone spending time with me means a great deal to me, if there are no words of affirmation to go with it, the time spent with them feels somewhat empty. And the reverse is true… Someone could tell me they think I’m great and tons of fun to be with… but if they never actually spend time with me, then the words seem somewhat hollow. So, at that point in our conversation, I was CONVINCED that those two were my strongest love languages, at least in the way of FEELING loved. Showing love is a whole different story…

However, I’ve just recently learned something about myself. Until last September, I either lived at home or in a dorm room. As most of you know, college life is FILLED with people. I saw good friends of mine – people who were like family – on a daily basis. Hugs were a-plenty. And while living at home, there was always a hug waiting there if I needed one. However, since I moved out, I realized that hugs aren’t always abounding… in fact, there were times this past year that I found myself feeling hug deprived. There are days, even weeks, when I feel like that still.

It is such a strange feeling… I never in a million years thought that “physical touch” was so strong for me. However, in the absence of being hugged or even getting just a pat on the back, I realize how much those small things mean to me and affect me.

I’ve always heard stories about how children who are born into orphanages, if not touched in any way, will not be able to sustain life. Physical touch – whether it’s being held, having their back rubbed, or their little cheeks kissed – is ESSENTIAL to their survival. How crazy is that? Never would I have thought physical touch – something as simple as a handshake, a back pat, or a hug – would be so significant in life. And yet, we can see from birth, it is essential. Sure, as adults, we won’t necessarily die if we’re not cared for in this way… But I wonder how much it truly effects who we are, how we feel about ourselves, and even our capacity to show love to others.

The other night, I was in the kid’s room at the church I’m a part of. We have a little guy who comes each week who has a bit of an attachment to both is mom and grandma, and has a really hard time being left alone in the children’s ministry. After some assurance to both the mom and grandma that I would be fine with a crying baby, both of them left me and this little guy who was obviously pretty upset he was being left. I held this little guy in my arms – close to my heart – and let him cry for about 10 minutes. I kept whispering in his ear that everything was going to be ok… I walked around the room, rocking him, rubbing his back, and trying to calm him down. Eventually, the little guy got so tuckered out that he reached his arms around my neck, put his head on my shoulder, and fell sound asleep.

And to be honest, I don’t think he was the only one who benefited from our little stroll around the room.

While I walked around the room, rocking my little friend for the next 20 minutes or so after he fell asleep, I thought about how great it felt to have this little guy in my arms – to know that I was providing him with a safe place to lay his head. It was such an amazing feeling to know he trusted me completely, and to know that I, for the moment, was his care.

There’s something so great about hugs – about holding someone you care about close to you. I visited a church a few weekends ago where they are all crazy about hugging. While I don’t know most of them that well, I left that morning feeling more loved than I had in a long time. The other night, I was at church, and was hugged by one of the other members of our church. And I mean, it was one of those good, solid hugs. As this person was hugging me, they said, “I missed you a lot.” I seriously could not have felt more encouraged.

What is it about the combination of words and hugs that are so powerful? Sometimes, I’m amazed that God designed us as physical creatures who desire to be hugged and held. I guess when I think of “being created in God’s image” – that isn’t one of the first things that comes to mind. I don’t think of God as a physical being, or one that is physical with those he loves. Because I cannot stretch out my arms to him, because I can not feel his embrace, it is not an attribute I typically think of.

However, I think it’s awesome that God knew enough to give us other people to satisfy that need. He placed people in our lives to provide us with those “hugs,” even if he is not there to give us one. There are times when I still feel really "hug deprived" but usually, not too far around the corner, there is a hug waiting for me. I think it’s so great that God gave us such a powerful way of feeling loved and cared about…

Hugs are great, aren’t they?

May I be a person who seeks to give hugs, and who loves people as if it is essential to their survival.