This past weekend, I went camping with some WestC Hubsters (our not-so-small group is referred to as a “hub.” Hubs are formed regionally, so ours is the West Central Hub, hence WestC Hubsters). On a lovely and sunny Friday evening, we packed up all our gear, and headed to Yellowstone. Lake, that is. Not THE Yellowstone. Just Yellowstone Lake.
I was asked to bring in the later carpool, as we had a couple people who couldn’t leave until later in the evening. We arrived by about 9:00pm to a camp that was already set up for us. Fantastic! Not having to put up tents in the dark made me quite the happy camper. We unloaded all our gear, got ourselves settled in, and sat down for a night of guitar and djembe (it’s been a while since I’ve played my djembe – felt good!) and chatting around the fire. It was a great way to start off the camping trip…
And then, the lightning and the thunder came. And then, buckets of rain.
Now, keep in mind… I absolutely adore thunderstorms. They may be one of my most favorite things in creation. However, when you suddenly find that there’s a lake in your tent at 1:00am, they tend to not be as fun to have around. Our tent ended up having a massive amount of water in one of the corners. Because we didn’t really know what other options we had, I gave my mostly-dry sleeping bag to the girl who had previously been sleeping in the lake of water, took off with a pillow and an umbrella, and ran barefoot through the mud and rain to my little Versa, where I would cozy up for the evening.
When I got to my car, I was soaked. I thought about curling up in the back seat, but one of the girls who had been in my car had paperwork in the back seat that she had been working on. I was completely wet and I didn’t want to ruin it. So, I decided to sit in the front seat. I got into my car, pulled off my soaking wet pillowcase, curled my pillow up next to me, covered my arms with a hoodie, and tried my best to fall asleep…
But sleep never really came.
The lightning was constant and the thunder fairly loud, making it somewhat difficult to fall asleep. Not to mention the fact that I still had a bit of adrenaline pumping through my system. As I sat there though, trying to sleep in my car, somewhat cold and completely soaked, I started thinking…
About 2 years ago, I had come up with this project I wanted to do. I wanted to live in a car for a year. Now, the plan was a bit more in-depth than that, and there were reasons behind my wanting to live in a car for a year. But that was the basic idea behind it – live in my car for a year.
What started my idea was that I had two friends named Johanna and Jason, who had just taken a trip with a couple of their friends out west. They drove the whole way and traveled in a Honda Element. They were telling me just how great the Honda Element was – that it was roomy, and had seats in the back that folded down, making it large enough for an air mattress and a cozy place to sleep. I think they may have even said, “You could live in it!”
That of course got my brain ticking… and I wondered, “What if I sent in a proposal to Honda, asking them to give me a Honda Element, and in return, I would spend a year living in it, blog about it, make short videos about it, etc. and provide them with some advertising in the effort?” Granted, how “far reaching” my advertising for them would have been was definitely debatable. But I thought it could have been a great idea… The titled of my project was going to be "Elemental: 365 Days in a Honda Element" and the idea was to live on the basic "elements" of life. My hopes were that, in my “year long” house sabbatical, I’d learn what it meant to live on very little. I realized that I would not be simulating poverty in any way shape or form. I mean, after all, I had a car. I would have two HUGE things that people who are homeless do not have – shelter and transportation. I also planned to retain my job. Basically, the only things that would have been different were where I went to sleep each night, where I showered, how I ate, and how much stuff I’d have with me.
My plan was to sell almost all my possessions, taking with me only the few clothes I would need to work (oh the joys of dress code), and the few items I’d need in order to do some of the writing/videoing I wanted to do. But everything else – my musical instruments, my massive book, DVD and music collection, my electronics – everything – I’d sell.
Part of the reason I wanted to do this was to prove to myself (and maybe others) that “stuff” doesn’t make you happy. And part of it was to break myself of the habit of desiring and acquiring more and more “stuff.” I think also, I really wanted to see how creative I could get with learning to live on less. And finally, I wanted to spend some serious time thinking about all the people in the world who, not by choice, have very little to live on, and who would probably give anything to have even a car to sleep in at night.
And that’s a lot of what I thought about the other night when I slept in my car while camping. I really wrestled with my selfish thoughts… That first night, I was frustrated that we all had to sleep in our cars. As I was curled up under my hoodie – wet and cold – I was frustrated that I was sitting in an uncomfortable seat, wet and cold. But I started thinking about the fact that for me, it was one night. I would survive, I’d make it through, and the next night would be better. And in a couple of nights, I’d be back in the comfort of my own bed, surrounded by all the “stuff” I’ve come to love. I thought about the fact that there are millions in this world who do not have that luxury, who do not have the hope that the next night, they’ll be dry, warm, and safe somewhere. They do not have the luxury of seeking shelter in a car. They do not have the luxury of having a hoodie to pull over them to keep warm, and a pillow to comfort their head. They do not have the luxury of waking up the next morning to a huge spread of food, and friends that love them.
The past few months, our Hub has spent time going through the Sermon on the Mount – a ridiculously challenging and yet amazing portion of scripture. As I lay there under the constant lightning and thunder, I couldn’t help but think through the part where it talks about treasures on earth vs. treasures in heaven. Even this past week, I heard from a woman who spent a large portion of her life living on the streets - her story brought me to tears. I realized how often I am ungrateful, and even complain about all of the “treasures” I have here – treasures I should care less about! I thought about how I depend so much on my ability to buy my comfort and happiness. And yet, I realized how unfulfilling that is, and how un-Christlike it is as well.
I’m not saying that “stuff” is inherently bad. I’m not saying that I should deny myself everything in the world. However, what I’m saying is that over the past couple of years, but even moreso recently, I’ve come to realize just how much I depend on “stuff” and how it’s come to control me.
I don’t know what’s next as far as changing this… I don’t have all the answers, and I don’t know what my next move should be. But at least my brain is thinking, and I’ve become more conscious of my behavior.
Today, I’m going to visit a community house in the heart of Milwaukee. For a few years now, I've had a huge desire to live in a community house! I’m pretty excited to see how they’re “living on less” and really helping the kingdom come to earth. In less than 3 weeks, I’ll be in Gulu, Uganda. I’m quite sure that experience will also blow my mind. I’m so excited to learn… I just pray that I’m able to soak it all in, and really make some changes in my life.
May I be a person who constantly questions my "need" for stuff, who learns to store my treasures not on earth but in heaven, and who genuinely seeks for Your kingdom to come, and Your will to be done.
On Treasures: Thoughts from Sleeping in a Car
the ride
A long time ago, there was a television show called "My So Called Life." Being a young teen when this show emerged, I totally fell in love with it. And Jordan Catalano? Come on. I mean, here was this mysterious guy with long hair, piercing blue eyes, and who played guitar - what young teenage girl wouldn't fall in love?
It was that show that made me a fan of Jared Leto... Quite a few years later, he created a band called 30 Seconds To Mars. I picked up the album merely out of curiosity. I liked a couple of the tunes, but for the most part, it wasn't totally my style. However, when their second album came out - A Beautiful Lie - I became more intrigued. Not so much with their music (though, their second album was much better than their first), but moreso with their music videos. The first video mirrored a movie I love - The Shining. The video was done really well - very moviesque. The second video - From Yesterday - had some AMAZING shots as well. Brilliant.
But for some reason, this video - for the song "Kings and Queens" off their third album - just makes my heart happy. I don't totally know why. Especially since it contains a few folks with creepy face make-up. But there is something about this video that I find utterly fantastic. I love that there's this massive group, a rag-tag posse of people, riding their bikes around really late at night through the city. I love that they all seem to be connected to one another even though they all look really different - and I love that they're all different! It kind of feels like you have the inside look into some sort of secret club or something. I'm not entirely sure... Maybe the reason I like this video is because secretly (or not so secretly now) I have a ridiculous fascination with bike messengers. It's true. I do.
All I know is that I really really enjoy this video... and so I thought I'd share it with you. Enjoy!
and you shall love
“Hear O Israel, the Lord your God, the Lord is one. And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and you shall speak of them when you sit at home, and when you walk along the way, and when you lie down and when you rise up. And you shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be for frontlets between your eyes. And you shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”
Quite a few years ago, I learned about this Jewish prayer called Shema Yisrael (or just Shema). It incorporates a few different sections of scripture, including Deuteronomy 6:4-9 (above) which is one of my favorite passages in scripture. I just love the Old Testament, and as a Christian, this portion of the Bible contains one of the greatest commandments – to love the Lord my God with all my heart, with all my soul, and with all my strength.
And you shall love…
Today, I did something I’ve wanted to do for quite some time – I got a tattoo. However, I didn’t want to get just any old tattoo. I wanted to get something meaningful. I’ve known for a while that I wanted a tattoo on my wrist, and that I wanted something in Hebrew. I originally thought about getting “adopted” because I am now an adopted child of God. However, I thought this might be a little tricky and hard to explain to others. As I started thinking more, I landed on the word “love.” Each day, I have to choose to love. It’s not always easy. Sometimes my natural inclination is to do the opposite of love. And I felt like having a tattoo of the word “love” might serve as a good reminder to daily choose to love. However, I only knew the translation for the noun form of love, not the verb. I had no idea how to translate it… So, I decided to settle on the noun form.
Two and a half hours before I was supposed to get my tattoo, things changed…
I got into an IM conversation with my friend Kristina, who was asking me about my tattoo. I told her that what I really wanted was the verb form of love, but didn’t know what version to use, and didn’t really like the look of the verb forms I had found. Kristina decided to help me out. Working at Elmbrook, she headed down to the resource library and sent me roughly 8 different pictures she’d taken of Hebrew bibles/texts. She sent me one image that had a translation for “and you shall love.”
I instantly fell in love with how it looked, and with the meaning behind it.
So, around noon today, Solid State’s rock star artist John tattooed “and you shall love” on my wrist. My favorite partners in crime - Kate Berumen and Lady Z - were there to witness the event.
I’m so excited by this phrase… and I love being able to share with people what it means, and why it’s there. Each day, I’m reminded to love God with everything in me – with my entire being. However, it doesn’t stop there… “and you shall love” also reminds me to continually choose to love those around me – to make the conscious choice to be more loving. It serves as a reminder that loving other is what’s expected of me.
Getting this tattoo today was so good on so many levels… I freaked out a bit at the size (it was a little bigger than I was imagining) and my freakishly pale skin makes it stand out quite a bit. But I love that it’s permanent. I love that later in the Shema, it says, “You shall bind them as a sign on your hand” and that’s sort of what I did today.
May this tattoo serve as a reminder to continually pursue God with my entire being, and to love those around me with the love of Jesus.
list
I never saw the movie “Bucketlist” – and in all honesty, I really have no desire to see it. But I can’t say that I’m not a fan of the concept – creating a list of all the things you want to do before you die. Over the years, I’ve created numerous lists such as these, and over time, they’ve changed quite a bit. There are a few items that have survived over the years, but as I’ve got older and as I’ve matured, my interests have shifted, and along with that, my list has also shifted. As I accomplished some of the items on my list, they've been removed. And as I have gained new interests, they were added to the list. But I’ll be honest, I haven’t revisited the “list” in a long time…
I figure now is as good a time as any to do that.
In about a month and a half, I will be doing something I’ve always wanted to do – go to Africa. I am so excited to be able to experience this, and it got me thinking about all of the other things that I want to do. And the past few months have been filled with a lot of “what’s next?” questions. I feel as though right now, I have absolutely NO IDEA what’s next in life. That is somewhat exhilarating, but also absolutely terrifying. But maybe putting these ideas down on paper – or in the blogosphere – will help me actually start thinking about them, and actually start DOING some of them. And maybe, as I start to do these things, I’ll have a little more clarity on the “what’s next?” And if not, at least I enjoyed the ride, right?
I’ll warn you – some of the items on my list are silly, and you may wonder why in the world it’s important to me. Some of them are very serious, and could be really difficult/tricky to do. And some of the things listed here are very very near to my heart, and I know that if I reach the end of my life without ever having experienced them, I will be quite sad.
So without further ado, and in no particular order, here is “the list”:
1. Travel to Africa (soon to be crossed off the list!)
2. Write & illustrate a children’s book (even if it doesn’t get published)
3. Create an animated short film or a documentary
4. Learn to sew my own clothes
5. Be a part of a “Compton Initiative” wall mural (Some day, Sara! Some day!)
6. Travel to India
7. Live in a different country for at least a year
8. Memorize an entire book of the Bible (Deutoronomy? Too ambitious?)
9. Climb/hike up a mountain (not sure which one or how high)
10. Learn to play violin
11. Be a “parent” of sorts (foster parent, adoptive parent, or orphanage mom)
12. Do something risky for a cause / participate in some sort of “civil protest”
13. Write one letter every day for a year
14. Read 1 book a month for a year (What can I say – I’m a slow reader!)
15. Backpack across Europe – staying in hostels, walking/take train everywhere
16. Learn to speak fluently in a foreign language
17. Work in an orphanage for at least 6 months, if not longer
18. Create and maintain a garden and/or participate in a “community garden”
19. Learn how to cook REALLY REALLY well (all healthy stuff!)
20. Learn to surf
21. Get a meaningful tattoo (maybe something in Hebrew on my wrist)
22. Learn to love running (got a lot to work through for this)
23. Help build a Habitat for Humanity House (or two, or three, or four…)
24. Ride an elephant! (Elephants are my favorite!)
25. Have an article published in Paste magazine (oh how I love music!)
26. Make sure to do sidewalk chalk drawings at least once every summer
27. Learn how to play the guitar well (yes, even bar chords – SO HARD FOR ME!)
28. Learn how to dance (don’t laugh at me)
29. Learn how to paint (I paint now, but don’t know much about painting)
30. Visit the Holy Land… walk where Jesus walked
That’s a lot of stuff, and I’m already 30 years into my life… Not sure if I’ll accomplish all of these, but I believe it will be fun trying. I could have kept going, but I think 30 is good for now. 30 just seems like a good number all around.
Here’s to bucket lists…
lost
Can I be geeky for an entry? Do I have permission to do that?
For the past six years, I have dedicated myself to a story… Six years is a lot of time, I realize. But in some respects, it feels like six years of goodness.
Six years ago, I started watching the TV show LOST. Yes, I know. Total geekdom. Not only have I dedicated six years of my life to following this TV show, but I’m now also dedicating a blog entry to it. Pretty sad, hey? But bear with me…
I’m a lover of stories. I mean, absolute, hard-core lover of stories. My favorite class in high school was English. Why? Stories. I was an English/Film major in college. Why? Stories. Even now, I love to hear other people’s stories. I can sit for hours just listening to people in my community tell me stories about their lives.
And LOST provided one fantastic story.
I’ve never found myself more connected to a show before. Sure I’ve had a few favorites over the years. I think I’ve probably seen every episode of The Wonder Years more than once. Such a great show. I will always have a soft spot in my heart for Freaks and Geeks. And I even had a short-lived love for the ticking clock of 24. However, I’ve never really enjoyed a story as much as I’ve enjoyed the story of LOST.
I was talking with a fellow LOST fan tonight, as tonight is the series finale. We were talking about why the show is so great, and why so many other fans have dedicated so much of their time to following this story. This fellow LOST fan and I recognized the fact that some like it for the mystery, some for the sci-fi/fantasy-like nature, some for the romance, and some for the spiritual/philosophical aspects… and some for all of the above.
For me, I think the reason I’ve been so wrapped up in it is because these people – these characters we’ve come to know over the past six years – are all a part of something bigger than themselves. While they are all individuals and contribute their own unique piece to the puzzle, the puzzle is so much bigger than each of them individually. They must decide whether or not to trust each other. The must decide whether or not to work together or against each other. They must learn about each other, grow together, and see the good, the bad and the ugly together. And that is what has drawn me in – their community of people and the lives they’ve built with each other.
I think that we each deeply desire to be a part of something bigger than ourselves. From the time we’re little, we’re searching for some sort of bigger purpose. We learn about the cause and effect of our behavior. We realize our love and need for community. Good and evil are battling within us. We want to fight against our selfish desires for the good of our neighbor. And we want to do everything in our power to point people to what is good, noble, and true.
And that is what LOST is all about. Again, I realize I sound pretty geeky – putting so much weight on a silly television show. But I truly believe that is why LOST has so many fans, so many people who have dedicated six years of their lives to following their story. I believe that a lot of us that watch the show see a bit of ourselves in it – people who are searching, wanting to be a part of something bigger than themselves. People who are trying to learn about the cause and effect of their behavior. People who recognize their need for community. People who struggle with the battle of good and evil going on within. People who are fighting against their selfish desires… and people who are wanting to point people to what is good, noble and true.
I realize that there are people who are NOT fans of LOST who resonate with the above statements. But I often wonder if that is why there ARE so many fans of LOST – because we see a little bit of ourselves in the show and in the characters we’ve come to know.
I’m sad to see LOST end… There was something special about being a part of a community that shared a deep love for the storytelling found in LOST. I’ll miss the philosophical and spiritual conversations that took place around this show. I’ll miss the theorizing and the conspiracies. I’ll miss the endings that made me yell “WHAT THE HECK?!” at my television set.
But it was a good six years – and it was a show that made me fall more and more in love with the art of storytelling. I love storytelling, and I look forward to more great storytelling in my life – both those on TV and those in my real life community.
fix you
I just finished watching the documentary "Young @ Heart." Fantastic movie. If you ever get a chance to watch it, I highly recommend it. I had heard about it a while back, but just got around to watching it.
It made me remember just how much I love this song... So I thought I'd post it.
Unfortunately, I couldn't find the official video to embed, so this is a live performance. Please forgive the fact that you have to watch Chris Martin's inability to dance.
Man I love this song though... I hope you enjoy.
enjoy
Yesterday I got to spend some time with one of my favorite people in the world. I’ve known my friend C for probably 18 or so years now, but my friendship with him has always been kind of funny. We’ve known each other for a long time, but I think we have a conversation with each other maybe 2-3 times a year…
Despite the fact that I only see him on occasion, he is one of those people that I always enjoy getting to reconnect with because he ignites such an energy in me that is rare. And yesterday was no exception.
The past couple of days have been filled with little sleep and lots of thoughts. Yesterday afternoon, I was wrestling through a TON of thoughts, and a lot of them pertained to my future – what’s next in the life of Tory. For probably the past 4 years, I’ve had a lot of on-again off-again thoughts about what it would look like to live a life of simplicity – to get rid of the bulk of my “stuff,” live in a small studio or 1 bedroom apartment with very little “stuff” and live off a meager salary, but doing something I love. Take an $8-10 an hour job working with kids making art all day, or something of that nature. I’ve thought a lot about moving to a different country for a while too. And given the events and thoughts of this past week, now might be the time to move forward. As I was wrestling through some of these thoughts, I found that I became overwhelmed by just how much I was thinking about. My friend C popped into my head. Why? Well, because C and I have had our share of conversations about what it means to be a Jesus follower, and also what it means to live on less. My friend C is a ridiculously fantastic example of what it means to live on less.
As I walked into his apartment yesterday – my first time ever in his new place – I was immediately inspired. C is a graphic designer and artist, and his apartment was the most inspirational apartment I’ve ever been in. Literally. As I walked in, the first thing I saw was a chair strapped to the ceiling. I laughed because if I tried to strap a chair to the ceiling, it would look silly. But this just fit. As I walked through the hallway into his “office” I walked into a room that had a beautiful mural covering the ceiling and the walls. Old crates arranged fantastically to display art books. Wires running across corners with art magazines hanging over them. Photography prints all over the place. It was SO fantastic. I told him when I first arrived to forgive me if I was really distracted during our conversation because there was simply too much to look at and too much to admire. Not that his house was filled with a ton… but there was just art everywhere – and it was fantastic!
What was even more fantastic was the conversation we had… Our conversation was all over the place (as are most of my conversations with C), and yet, what I always love about my conversations with him is that in his eyes, things are always do-able. I have a couple of friends that see life this way – that anything is possible – but with C, he makes me feel like anything is do-able, and yet doesn’t seem to make me feel bad or discouraged if I can’t see that possibility right away. If I start to throw excuses at him on why I think it’s not possible, he might just suggest a different way of looking at it or a way around it. He also recognizes that people come with different baggage and while everything is always do-able, the path there might look really different. And even though sometimes I get really overwhelmed by his suggestions, even though sometimes I think what he’s suggesting ISN’T do-able, I know that it is without him having to tell me – because he’s living proof.
I won’t give you exact figures… my friend C is pretty modest about telling people what he lives on per year. But I will tell you this. It is astonishing. I am baffled that he’s been able to do what he’s done, and how little he’s been able to live on. He’s mad creative, and has come up with some really clever ways around certain expenses. He has found ways to keep his expenses extremely low, and his joy of living extremely high. Whenever I think about the idea of loving every minute of life – loving what you do every day, and that what you love to do is your life – I think of C. That is why he came to mind yesterday, and that is why I stopped over to chat with him.
I’m tired of letting my debt own me. I’m tired of being in a job I hate (even though I know I can be a “light” in a job I hate, why spend the majority of my life fighting against something I hate). I sat across from him yesterday saying, “I don’t even know what I enjoy doing anymore.”
And that’s true. It’s a sad fact, but true. That came to light even prior to my conversation with C. My life over the past year has become solely dependent upon relationships and the commonalities I have in those relationships. I’ve walked away from things like photography, painting and writing because they didn’t totally fit in with my new friendships. I have loved the new friendships I’ve built – they’re great. There have been things I’ve done with my new friends that I enjoy, but I’ve put too much weight on those, and have lost the other things I used to love. I sat across from C and said, “I literally don’t know what I LOVE doing anymore.” We talked about a couple of things – things I THINK I’d love to do – and he gave me some really practical suggestions – things he’s been suggesting to me for quite some time now, and I just never really listened.
But maybe now is the time to listen. Maybe now is the time to really start making some of the changes I’ve been talking about for the past 6 years. Things like living on less. Things like working in a low-paying job, but one I love. Things like living in a little box with not a lot of “stuff” around me. Things like walking, biking, and/or taking the bus where I need to go. Things like doing art – photography, painting, writing, etc – during more of my time. Things like building relationships with unexpected people. Things like becoming the radical Jesus follower I’ve always talked about wanting to be, but never made any sacrifices to become…
My friend C, in all his crazy and quirky ways, always inspires me to live passionately and deeply. To love life, and to soak it in for all it’s worth. His quote on his Facebook page says, “i never wanna sleep and always wanna wake up. such a messed up enjoyable world we get to be involved in. please don’t let it end.” I want to live that way – where I never want to sleep, and always want to wake up. Where I realize we live in a messed up world, but one that’s enjoyable. And even more, one we get to be involved in. What a gift! We get to rub shoulders with God’s creation on a daily basis. We have the ability to ingest God’s creation every day. And so often, I forget that… I forget there’s an entire world to be enjoyed – not dreaded.
May I move forward intentionally recognizing the world God has provided for me to ENJOY. May I be a person who never wants to sleep but always wants to wake up. May I be a person who moves towards living passionately and deeply. And may I continue to meet people like C who ignite a fire in me to live what I love.
